The family has all gathered at my palazzo for long nights by the fireplace and the twinkle of the lights upon the tree.

The original creation of the Christmas holiday might not be a part of things that I celebrate, but I will not turn away those that I cherish most. My own thoughts fall upon Christmas being a time for family and to cherish those moments together through the passing of the ages.

For those of you who would love to see all of my family and loved ones gathered in one place, you are welcome to peek in through a window and watch our proceedings.
http://www.immortalsojourns.com/community/forum/index.php?topic=10084

Seasons Greetings to all the mortals and immortals at Immortal Sojourns.

February! It has been almost three months since my last entry here. That is just inexcusable. Even now I unfortunately have very little to say. Things have been so much busier then I could ever want and that means less time to spend with both my family and all of you.

I have managed to pull myself away and attend the house warming party that Lestat is hosting. After hearing that Amadeo was to wear black wings, I thought it fitting that I would wear white.




I hope to see all of you at the party. And don't forget that the live chat is happening tonight at 9pm EST.

When I stop and think how long it's been since I've had a chance to sit down and write, I find myself taken aback. I used to be almost religious in my nightly writings, years ago. Making sure that every memory, every detail was documented. Why and for who I wrote them for, I don't quite know anymore. My own legacy perhaps? Proof to even myself that I really had existed all those years? Does any of it matter?

I find my thoughts have shifted. When it happened, I'm not sure. Perhaps it was in that moment I'd heard of Amadeo's run in with Memnoch. No, it was even before then. Writing to Zenobia, receiving that letter from Avicus, the icing was Amadeo.

Where to begin. Avicus... such insecurity, something I never would have expected from him. I can say I understood his reasons though. Centuries together with Zenobia then suddenly to have her leave him in search of Mael. I heard Santiago came into the picture for a while, but it was just a Spring Fling until Avicus got up the nerve to return. I cannot tell you how happy I am to see them back together now, yet I still worry when I read the tone in his voice. Zenobia may still look as the beautiful teenager, she is anything except that however. Even I must remind myself of this fact on occasion when I speak to her.

Now back to Amadeo. I'm still not sure who I'm upset with the most in that situation. Daniel knew he should have gotten in touch with me, instead he went to Lestat and Santiago. It wasn't until too late that Lestat finally contacted me. Santiago, did he even care? I noticed he wasn't with the rest of them on Night Island. There are times I think he's even worse then Lestat when it comes to being self-centered. I was just glad that Amadeo has returned to me. I'm concerned for his sanity still and I know things that once he used to give so little consideration, now weigh heavily on him.

I cannot help him in the decisions he's made. I know he looks to me for advice and I know he wants me to tell him what he's doing is right. I will stand behind any decision he makes and will hold him if his world comes crashing down around him. I know he wants to be the child once again, to carry no responsibility for his decisions. I cannot permit him to always rely on me for answer, only my arms when he needs them.

A question was posed to me earlier tonight...one that has been in the forefront of my mind and heart for so very long now.  I was asked if I thought Pandora and I would ever be as we were before, as we were in Antioch. 

For many years I have thought no, I would never hold her love again as I once did.  I stood more of a chance at holding the sun itself in the palm of my hand.  Perfection comes once in a life time, no matter how long that life time may be, and if you let it slip away you will never again feel it touch your heart and soul.

But now, after our time in Paris, I am inclined to change my mind.  She does love me still as I have always loved her.  Those nights were a cleansing rain washing me of doubt and troubled thoughts.  To touch her pale skin once again...to feel the cool, hard smoothness of it beneath the tips of my fingers was an awakening of my soul.  She is and forever will be my dark angel, the very reason for my existence.

We walked the streets of Paris like young lovers, enamored with the night around us, enamored with each other.  Never before have I seen her look quite as beautiful as she did then, seeming to be lit from within by the opalescent moonlight.  I recall so vividly one night in particular as we walked together along the banks of the Seine River... 

It was still early, the sunlight had not yet fully faded from the evening sky.  Indeed, I could still feel the sting upon my skin.  She made no complaint at my suggestion to venture out early, she seemed eager really, perhaps wanting as badly as I did to begin as soon as we could so to prolong the hours we could be awake in each other's company. 

We walked in silence, afraid maybe that words would break the spell of the night or simply fail to capture the feelings of the moment.  I wanted so badly to take her by the hand, but I was afraid.  Afraid that I would feel her hesitate or pull away even.  So we walked side by side...and I could hear her heart beat and hear the breath coming in and out of her parted lips.  My Venus, my love, my Pandora.  Did she know how much I needed her?  I wanted to tell her.  I wanted to take her by the arms, turn her toward me and press my lips to hers whispering all the while that I had not been alive since we parted.  She startled me out of my thoughts with her words...

"Look at them, Marius," she breathed, almost imperceptibly.  "Look at them."

Ahead of us, walking slowly hand in hand down the path was an old, withered couple.  They matched each other step for step.  As we drew closer I realized that I was trying to read their thoughts...and that I was hearing the same thing from both minds.  Pandora heard it as well and I knew it as I felt her cold fingers touch the back of my hand.  I stole a quick glance at her and my heart nearly stopped when I saw the glint of a blood-tear shimmering on her cheek in the moonlight.  I looked again at the couple, watched them slow their walk even more as they looked into each other's eyes.  I felt my beautiful Pandora's fingers slip inside of my palm and I wrapped her delicate hand in mine.  We passed the old couple and they never even noticed us. 

As we continued further down the walk their thoughts kept after us from behind and refused to leave my mind.  Their song stuck with me for the remainder of the night...and I can hear it now as I think back...

A cigarette that bears a lipstick's traces,
An airline ticket to romantic places,
And still my heart has wings...
These foolish things remind me of you.

A tinkling piano in the next apartment,
Those stumbling words that told you what my heart meant,
A fairground's painted swings...
These foolish things remind me of you.

You came, you saw,
You conquered me.
When you did that to me,
I knew somehow this had to be.

The winds of March that made my heart a dancer,
A telephone that rings,
And who's to answer?
Oh, how the ghost of you clings...
These foolish things remind me of you.

The first daffodil, and long excited cables,
And candle lights on little corner tables,
And still my heart has wings...
These foolish things remind me of you.

I have sought solitude tonight. I want no part of the warmth that spills forth from my home this starry evening. Voices call my name, both real and imagined. Voices coming from the vivacious crowd reveling in the hospitality I have provided to them and voices coming from my mind. Above them all I can hear her calling my name. My beautiful Pandora...calling to me as though she still loved me, needed me. My thoughts slip out of time, away from now, drifting back to those moments of happiness that now seem the foreign realm of a fantastical dream. Is this all that eternity holds for me...endless nights to see her face, lonely nights spent wondering where she could be? Should I chastise myself for dismissing those who do love me and need me? Perhaps so. How callous of me to turn my back from those tender souls who have devoted themselves wholly to me. Ah, I do love them, truly I do. But she plagues me...calling me out of myself, pulling me down into a darkness that is filled with light and love. It is a damnable contradiction, I think. I curse her as I venture out into the darkened streets. This is a night for blood and I know just where to go.

For three nights now I have been watching him. Granted I should have killed him on the first, but even I have to admit, he is an interesting miscreant. I came upon him, as I have countless others, drinking too much, talking to much and thinking too little. Unlike the countless others, he made a show of himself, drawing attention from anyone willing to give it. Unfortunately for him, I was more than willing. It only took a brief intrusion into his thoughts to get everything I needed to know...a delinquent whose crimes ranged from theft to rape to murder. Of course, all justified in his mind. But, I had to give the tramp credit, he was charming. I watched him the first night as he talked his way into a young lady's chamber, laughing to myself at the smoothness of his words. Last night it was a game of cards, at which he cheated, got caught and used his forked tongue to get out of. And now, tonight, he is alone. Seems this is a night for solitude. He walks along the waterfront, slowly, carelessly. He is a beautiful young man...unruly brown curls, dark green eyes...his build is slight but muscular. I can see better now why he was so easily able to have his way with the woman from previous nights. He sings softly to himself, rather off-key, I must say.

In step with him now, my foot steps matching his. I don't think he has even realizes he is being followed, though I am not making any effort to hide myself. Out in the open, behind him step for step...I almost wish he would turn and see me. And he does. As he comes to the bend in the path I see him hesitate. His heart beat has quickened, but I make no attempt to read his mind. I want to relish this moment without hearing the panic in his mind. The thumping in his chest is enough, that tell-tell pounding that gets louder and louder, faster and faster as he comes to a stop, fully aware now that someone is behind him. I stop as well, perhaps ten feet behind him, and wait for him to gain the courage to turn. Slowly, painfully almost, he turns on the balls of his feet, pivoting neatly in the dirt. His face is brave, stern even, but his heart gallops away beneath his calm demeanor. I can feel his eyes on me, head to toe he looks at me, knowing I am not human, refusing to believe it. Without even peering into his mind I can practically hear his thoughts as he rejects what his eyes are seeing. I smile, revealing glistening teeth. His heart is beating a mad rhythm now and mine is as well.

"Well, let's have on with it, then," he says. Calm, still so calm despite the fear I can smell on the air.

"I had quite expected a bit of a protest from you, to say the least," I reply.

"Would it help?" He raises an eyebrow at me. His heart beat slows dramatically, I assume this has everything to do with the fact that he is talking. The man seems obsessed with the sound of his own voice. Regardless, his question has merit. I laugh, shaking my head slightly. "No then? I thought as much." He turns his face from me and looks out over the water. His neck is immediately exposed, intentionally, I like to think. I have had my fill of waiting and stalking. In an instant, the distance between us is reduced to nothing. Despite his strength, despite that effortlessly cool demeanor, I feel him stiffen when I grab him by the back of the neck.

"Let's have on with it then," I whisper as I bend my mouth to the warm flesh of his neck. I feel his body shiver. Gently now, all fight gone from my mind, all thoughts of a vicious hunt abandoned, I place my lips to his neck tasting the salty sweat, feeling his pulse. His flesh breaks easily and the blood flows over my tongue, down my throat and explodes in every inch of my body. He is putting up no struggle at all. Instead, his hands find my shoulders and I let him cling to me. He is singing again, some broken song that I do not recognize. It means something to him, something from his past. I don't want to know. I am seeing enough as I drink until his heart can no longer sustain me. His hands release their grip on my shoulders, sliding down until they dangle limply at his sides. With the last breath in his body I hear him sigh and I sigh with him. His blood is coursing through me now as I lower him to the ground. A tiny prick to my finger and any evidence of my crime is vanished. And then I slip away into the night to once again be alone with my thoughts. The blood has quickened them, as I knew it would, though I had tried to tell myself otherwise. Her face is nearer now as I wander through the streets. Her voice is clearer and I can feel her touch. My beautiful Pandora...calling to me as though she still loved me as though she still needed me.